The first hour: listen

Children disclose bullying in fragments — a comment at dinner, a question at bedtime, a stomach-ache before school. The temptation is to ask 30 questions and start solving. Resist. The first hour is for listening. Phrases that help: "Tell me more." "What happened next?" "How did you feel?" Phrases that shut things down: "Why didn't you tell the teacher?" "What did you do to start it?"

Hours 2-12: write it down

Once your child is calmer, write down what you have learned: when, where, who, what, frequency, witnesses. Memory is unreliable; the next conversation with the school will go better with a written timeline. Include exact phrases the child reported, in quotes.

Hours 12-24: assess severity

Bullying ranges from one-off cruelty (hurtful but not pattern) to systematic targeting (threats, exclusion, physical contact). The right escalation differs:

  • One-off: Class teacher, in writing, requesting a check-in within 5 days.
  • Pattern (3+ incidents over 2-4 weeks): Class teacher and school counsellor in writing, requesting a meeting within 7 days.
  • Physical / threats: Principal directly, same day.

The mistake almost every parent makes

Calling the bully's parent. It feels right ("we will sort this out adult-to-adult") and it almost always backfires. The other parent gets defensive, your child gets retaliated against at school the next day, the school's anti-bullying process is bypassed and weakened. Whatever the temptation, do not do this in the first week.

The right first email to the school

Short, factual, action-oriented. "Yesterday my child reported [specific incident, date, witnesses]. I am writing to bring this to your attention and request a meeting with the class teacher this week. I'd appreciate a written response by [date]."

Schools that handle bullying well will reply within 24-48 hours, schedule the meeting, and follow up with a written plan. Schools that do not — silence, vague verbal reassurance, or no follow-up — are giving you data on whether your child is safe in this school over the longer term.

What to tell your child

"I believe you. We will figure this out together. You don't have to handle this alone." That is the message. Specifics about what you are doing can wait — kids do not need a project plan; they need to know they are safe and heard.